— Golden Globe Awards (@goldenglobes) January 9, 2017
Hello! Hello! Are you there? Are you still conscious?! Because I'm not. I'm writing this column from a puddle of tears that evaporated and went directly to Heaven. I'm a bead of sweat on Prince's celestial brow right now and I am living!
Viola can't even open her mouth with sending me into a catatonic state of joy. Like, if she were to pull into the drive-through at McDonald's and order a #3 with an apple pie I'd still probably get my entire life. Yas, Cousin Vi, you better get yourself that Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese! You. Have. Earned. It.
Ma'am, my wig is off to you.
I'm not even going to bother giving my kids lectures; I'm just going to hand them The Collected Public Remarks of Viola Davis and let the Black Excellence magic happen.
"Little Michelle Obama Mahershala OA Thomas, turn to page 92 and read me something!"
Here's page 92 of The Collected Public Remarks of Viola Davis, the 2017 Golden Globes speech.
"Thank you to the Hollywood foreign press. This is my fifth nomination. I took all the pictures, went to the luncheon."
"But it's right on time. To Paramount, Scott Ruden, Todd Black, Molly Allen, to all the people who believed in this piece of work. It's not everyday that Hollywood thinks of translating a play to screen. It doesn't scream money maker, you know? But it does scream art. It does scream heart."
"Thank you to all the wonderful actors in Fences. Michael T., Steven, Russell, Denzel. You know, I'm a friend and a fan. Thank you for being an extraordinary leader. Great actor, great director. Thank you for saying trust me and remember the love. And my beautiful husband, my daughter Genesis, loves of my life."
Okay, take a deep breath y'all. Take out your prayer shawl. Get ready to ascend to Heaven.
"And to the original Troy, my father, Dan Davis. Born in 1936, groomed horses, had a fifth grade education, didn't know how to read until he was 15. But you know what? He had a story. And it deserved to be told. And August Wilson told it. Thank you very much."
Thank you, Viola Davis. Thank you Viola Davis' father, Dan Davis. Thank you, August Wilson. Thank you to every fence in Pittsburgh.
Follow R. Eric Thomas on Twitter.
This article originally appeared on www.elle.com