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Punctual Pop Performer Cardi B Wears At Least 10 Watches To Promote Her New Song

Well, this is one way to earn the title Greatest of All Time. Cardi B just dropped her latest single and with it an Instagram glamour shot of the punctual performer posing completely nude, save for roughly 10 to 12 watches. What time is it? Literally any time you want.

This is the textbook definition of "Oh, she had time today!" This is what your teacher means when they say learn your times table. This is a masterpiece of Heavenly Horology. When the kids on the subway yell "What time is it? Showtime!" this is exactly what they mean, actually. I am obsessed with this lewk. Cardi, who has been slaying the fashion game for going on two years now, somehow manages to dress down and still be completely over-the-top by draping her arms in watches like she's Edward Second Hands. The lewk is completed by strappy stilettos held to her ankles by, you guessed it, more watches. Oh what a time(s) to be alive.

She posted the shot to announce that her new song, "Money," is streaming on all services. At first blush, the image and the song, in which she raps "I like boarding jets/I like morning sex/But nothing in this world that I like more than checks," aren't related. But it's clear that the patron saint of sweater weather, Cardigan B, is playing 4th dimensional chess. She wants checks, to get more money, but what is money? Time is money.


Chronometry B is out here trying to educate the people about what's really important. When she buys a Metro Card(i) she never has an existential crisis about whether she wants to Add Value or Add Time. "It's the same thing, fools!" she shouts at the machine. "But your true wealth is the friends you made along the journey!"


With this punctilious pose, she looks like she's starring in A Clockwork Okrrrrt or a much sassier reboot of The Hours, which are things I didn't know I needed but now demand, right after she finishes starring as Fran's daughter in the proposed new NannyYour girl is booked and busy! No wonder she needs all those watches.

What's perhaps best about this alarming ensemble is how much it leans into Cardi's characteristic extra-ness. She's not just wearing watches as shoe buckles, she's not just wearing a few more watches than normal, she has completely covered her arms in solid dozen—perhaps even a Cardi Baker's dozen—blinged out tickers. She's dressed like the prize patrol at a group retirement party. What range! What glamour! What synchronicity! 

Cardi B, giving dime piece timepiece realness, is our greatest Time Lord. Doctor who? Having conquered the pop world, it only makes sense for her to set her sights on taking over bigger projects like the nature of temporal reality. 


Watch (pun very intended) the audio video of the song below, with a beat you could set Big Ben to:

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